Motherhood and Me

Forewarning: This is going to be a picture-less post because my newest pictures are still on my camera that is currently in Andrew's room and I don't dare go in there because he is FINALLY taking a nap. :)

So, I've been thinking a lot about myself, meaning my personality, traits, etc. since becoming a mom. I am learning a lot about myself that I never really knew or rather didn't pay attention to. There are characteristics of myself that are coming out in a new light and I'm not sure I like them. First: I am wayyyyyy too uptight. I always knew I wasn't laid back but I never would have defined myself as being uptight. But yes, I certainly am. Before I give an example I want to tie in another characteristic - I am controlling! Sure I liked to be in control of different situations but wow, now that I can't control everything it's amazing how much I can see that quality in me. Here is an example: I have to bite my tongue when people hold Andrew because of the WAY they hold him. I know the ways he likes to be held and the ways that make him cry or fuss. I constantly have to stop myself from telling people how to hold him! I'm even this way with Corey, actually ESPECIALLY with Corey. If Andrew starts crying when someone else has him, I immediately want to take him because I feel like I'm the only one who can get him to calm down (which is TOTALLY not true by the way). At night I take the quickest shower ever because I'm afraid Corey won't be able to get Andrew to sleep or if he wakes up and starts crying then he won't be able to get him back to sleep. Ugh. I really need to give Corey more credit! I often think that I will never be able to be away from Andrew during nap/sleep time because he needs to be swaddled and no one knows how to swaddle him tightly enough so that he can't escape. (This part is kinda true though - Corey has no clue how to swaddle and my mom once tried and said she did awful - sorry Mom :)) I also feel like I have to be "Super-Mom" and do everything. I have a hard time asking for help (maybe because I know how I like things to be done and feel like it won't get done the right way if someone else does it - hello controlling much?!) so I often don't ask then I get overwhelmed and burnt out. Yesterday I was trying to calm Andrew who was screaming bloody murder (my fault that I didn't realize how hungry he was until it was too late) and complaining to Corey that I had to mop the bathroom and kitchen floors. Did I ask Corey to do it? No. But thankfully he offered. And guess what? He did a good job!

So what does this all mean? Well, I'm working on getting over these things. This is not easy to do. When you've been this way for 28 years, it's not easy to change. I'm not trying to completely change myself, however, I am just trying to adjust and be LESS uptight and LESS controlling and not super-mom! Some days I do well and others not so well. I realize it will take time, and like everything else in my life right now, it's a learning process.