The good, the bad, and the ugly

It's hard being a mother. It really, truly is. I know that I am overly hard on myself but I think that's what inspires and encourages me to do everything I can to be the best person/mother I can be. When I look back at almost 3 weeks ago I was a complete mess. I had no clue what I was doing or how to be a mother to a little baby that weighed less than 8 lbs. Today I can't say that I truly have a clue but I'm doing SO much better. That being said every day is hard and I expect that it will be for awhile. So I'm going to do a good, bad, and ugly version of what I've been experiencing over the past few weeks.

The GOOD (always have to start with the positive!):

• I am COMPLETELY in love with Andrew. He is a beautiful baby and so precious. I never once struggled with accepting him or feeling that sense of wanting. It was love at first sight.
• Breastfeeding! This is something I did not expect to be "easy". I'm very fortunate that it has gone so well from the beginning. If it hadn't I would have been even more of a mess!
• Corey is AMAZING with Andrew (and me!) Sure I take care of Andrew during the day while he is at work, but when Corey gets home either for lunch or at the end of the day, he will always offer to take Andrew especially if I need a break. I try not to wake him up in the middle of the night but he will gladly get up if I need help.
• Andrew is healthy! I must be doing something right if he is gaining weight and thriving!
• Andrew is STRONG! I've had so many people, including the pedi. remark how strong he is. Last night I was at Corey's softball game and I was burping Andrew over my shoulder. A nurse sitting next to me said she'd never seen a baby so young be able to control his head like Andrew was. Proud mama right here!
• Sleeping - this is both good and bad - when I can get him down Andrew will sleep GREAT! For example: last night I fed him at 9 then put him down - he slept until 2am! THEN fed him at 2 and he slept til 6! I got a 4 hr and 3 hr stretch of sleep. Can I say how refreshed I feel today?!
• Friends and family - we are SO lucky to have such wonderful people in our lives to help out when needed. I'm not great about asking for help but I know it's always there.

(There are more goods but I'm trying to write just a few for each)

The BAD:

• I'm convinced that Andrew is an unhappy baby. :( He rarely is awake and content for more than a few minutes before he starts fussy and just acting unhappy. It's really sad. I hope once he can interact more and actually smile that this will change.
• Sleeping - it is really hard to get Andrew to fall asleep. Well actually sometimes it's easy but then it's hard to get him to stay asleep. We have to rock him every night - usually I just let him fall asleep while nursing but I have to burp him because of gas so that sometimes wakes him up.
• GAS - my poor child has a very hard time with gas. It's strange though - sometimes he can fart and deal with it. Other times he is just miserable. Mylicon drops and colic calm (for the worst times) have been my savior
• Andrew wants/needs to be held constantly. Ok, so this isn't bad all the time because I think how these days won't last forever, and I definitely love the snuggles. But when he needs a nap, and I need a break and/or need to get things done it can be a pain. I have started to use the Moby which helps a great deal but I'm afraid he gets too hot in it.

The UGLY

• Screaming. OMG does my child have a piercing scream. He does not cry, he screams. The worst part about it is that it breaks my heart. Most of the time when he screams it's because of gas and I can just tell he is in pain. He will grab at my hands and grip me while screaming. I usually follow suit and start crying too.

Ok, after I wrote these I realize how many goods there are compared to the bad and ugly. That makes me feel so much better! I actually set out to write this post to show how difficult of a time I'm having, but really I think I might be overreacting. The bads will get better with time, as will the screaming. In reality he doesn't scream THAT much. I wouldn't go so far as to say he has colic, although sometimes I do think he has colicky moments. Hopefully he's not headed in that direction though.

If any moms out there have tips for helping Andrew stay sleeping after I get him to sleep, or what to do when he wants to be held all the time, I'm all ears! Oh and if you've ever had screaming fits - what do you do that helps? The only thing that works for Andrew is the 5 S's from Happiest Baby on the Block. Highly recommended!

I promise next post will have pictures! :)